Hold My Heart
by zashikabuta06
Summary: It's been 20 years since Quinn and Santana's one night stand at Mr. Schue's failed wedding. Where had their lives taken them? Will they find their way back to each other after all these years? Quinntana with Pezberry friendship. Inspired by "Hold My Heart" by Sara Bareilles from the album, Kaleidoscope Heart.
1. Chapter 1

Santana mutters under her breath, "I cannot believe I let Rachel talk me into coming to this."

She stands there, in front of the auditorium, waiting to sign in and get her name badge. She loathed name badges. No one could forget her. She was Santana fucking Lopez, as hot as ever. When she left McKinley and Lima 20 years ago, she swore she would never come back for her high school reunion. What reason could she possibly have? She didn't want to see any of her classmates, at least the ones that weren't in Glee. She kept in touch every day with Rachel since they were both still in New York City. Funny how the onew person she tormented the most at McKinley was now her best friend. Santana would talk to Britt one every three to four months. The others, she knew of through Rachel and her bi-yearly email updates on them. Sure, whenever one of them popped up in NYC, she would see them. However, as they all got older, focusing on their significant others, then families, and their careers, that time was few and far between. Before Santana knew it, she received her invitation in the mail. She fell for Berry's sentimental crap. The thing that got her to committ was Rachel's promise that Quinn would be there. She is the one Santana wanted to see the most. Quinn was the one that got away. It wasn't Britt, that's for sure. It was Quinn.

Lucy Quinn Fabray vanished without a trace. After their one night stand in Lima Grand Hotel, Santana found herself alone in the room the nest morning. On the desk, written in her characteristically perfect cursive on the hotel stationary, was a letter from Quinn. Santana still has that letter tucked away. It was all she had left of Quinn.

 _15th of February, 2014_

 _6:30 am_

 _Santana-_

 _I don't regret a single second of last night. I can't bear the thought of you thinking that. I've always wondered what it would be like- to be with you. Fuck, San. You've ruined me for anyone else. Don't let that get to your head. Remember that moment, right before you entered me? You stopped, brushed the hair from my face and looked deep in my hazel eyes. I know what I saw in your brown eyes. I saw how much you love me. I hope you saw how much I love you, because I do love you Santana. I think that's what I've been fighting for so long. Tonight, I let myself fall into you. Today, I let you go. Good-bye, Santana. I will take this night with me and you will be in my heart everywhere I go. Don't try to find me. I'll see you at our 20th high school reunion. I cannot wait to see how your life turned out. Until then… -Xx Q_

Of course, Santana tried to find her. She thought this was some kind of game she was playing. Isn't it just like Quinn, teasing her to make her want her more. Quinn was right. Valentine's Day and the wedding that was the best night of Santana's life. It made her open her eyes to what was right in front of her. Quinn was right in front of her all along. Santana tried the usual avenues first. Quinn dropped off all social media, didn't respond to her e-mails, and changed her phone number. Next, she asked Rachel right away because Santana assumed that Quinn would keep in touch with her. She was wrong. Then she asked Mrs. Fabray and she refused to tell her where Quinn was. She said, "Santana, if she wanted you to know where she is, she would have told her yourself." It was one dead end after another. So, Santana eventually gave up. She tried to move on. After all, it was just one night- only the best one night stand of her life. The thing is, how are you supposed to move on from Lucy Quinn Fabray?

Santana stepped up to the registration table, seeing Becky Jackson and Jacob Ben Israel. Becky looked exactly the same. Unfortunately, 20 years was not kind to JBI. His Jewfro was gone and he was bald. She noticed him blushing. Santana knew she still had it. She took good care of herself. She smacked that name tag above her left breast and winked at him. She was sure he wet himself. Spinning around, she walked into the auditorium, making a bee line for the cash bar. She was about to order when she smelled a familiar scent and felt an alabaster hand on her bare shoulder.

"Jack and Coke for Rosario and I'll have a glass of red wine, please."

Hearing that voice, as her fresh, lightly floral scent wafted thru her nostrils, Santana turned around. Immediately, she was face-to-face, staring into those hypnotizing hazel eyes. Quinn.

Santana did the only greeting she could think of. She slapped her just as the bartender placed their drinks on the counter. Next, Santana cupped the cheek she just slapped, pulling Quinn in her arms. She let herself feel the weight of Quinn's body pressing into her. She supressed a moan that threatened to escape. The first emotion Santana felt coarsing through her veins was comfort. Through all her women since Quinn, she never felt "this." The word she could best describe it was content. She didn't want this is end, this homecoming into her arms. However, Lima Height anger reared it's ugly head. Not wanting to let go, Santana leaned into the shell of Quinn's ear, growling:

"Where the fuck have you been, Quinn?"

 _15 minutes earlier…_

"Quinn, darling, you will be the belle of the ball. Is this all for Santana?"

"Mom!" she groaned.

"What, dear? You can't fool me."

"I don't even know if she will show up. I distinctly remember her telling me she would never come back to Lima for this reunion. Rachel wouldn't even tell me. She just said everyone else would be there."

"Yeah but you are hoping she will be, right?"

All Quinn could do was nod her head. 20 years since she saw Santana and she thought about her every single day. Her mother knew the morning after she stumbled in after her one night stand. Apparently, she looked so blissfully happy and Quinn wasn't sober enough to not have a filter. Surprisingly, her mom didn't flip out. She revealed that she too had a one night stand in college with her best friend, Margot. It was Quinn that flipped out on her. Her mother slept with her godmother! Honestly, that revelation was the beginning of building the road back to her mother. It was something they had in common. However, Judy was never in love with Margot. Quinn was in love with Santana and her mother knew it long before her Lucy had acknowledged it.

Judy noticed how close her daughter and Santana were. She was the first friend Quinn made at McKinley. She distinctly remembers the day Quinn came home for Cheerios practice and wouldn't stop talking about her co-captain. Watching them be friends, then rivals, back to best friends again, Judy knew what only a mother would know. Her intuition told her that there was something between them. As is known, a mother's intuitions is almost always right. She kept this to herself until that morning. She had never seen her Lucy so happy. She was happy too, that finaly these two smart girls finally did something right. It was why she couldn't understand why Quinn was leaving after that night, swearing she wouldn't see Santana again until this night of her 20th high school reunion. However, once Quinn explained, Judy understood that you don't say no to the CIA.

Quinn was recruited by the CIA while she was in the middle of her Freshman year at Yale. Actually, she was broached that week before she was in Lima for Mr. Shue's wedding. She was a global affairs major planning for semester abroad in Iran her Sophomore Spring semester. She had a 4.0 GPA. Quinn didn't know that she being groomed for the CIA by her faculty advisor. Professor Daley later told Quinn that she saw qualties in her even as a Freshman that would make her a perfect candidate for the Clandestine Services. Quinn was fluent in Spanish and French by the time she graduated McKinley. She had a natural aptitude and affinity for language. While at Yale, she became fluent in Latin, Farsi, Chinese, and American Sign Language. Actually, she was learning Farsi at the time she was approached by a CIA agent. She was offered a Undergraduate Internship in Directorate of Operations. Quinn spent her summers in Washington, D.C. every summer after her Freshman, Sophomore, and Junior years. She graduated Summa Cum Laude with a double major in Global Affairs and Middle Eastern Studies. Next, she persued the joint degrees of Masters in Global Affairs and Public Health, receiving the Graduate Scholarship. By the time Quinn was 25, she in the Professional Trainee program for Clandestine Service, fast tracked for a position as a Directorate of Operations Language Officer. So, at age 19, Quinn already knew this was her future and it was why she left Santana to wake up all alone after their perfect night together. She only told Judy about her future job and what that would mean to their relationship. She couldn't really tell anymone else. Quinn was told to use the utmost discretion on how knew about her job. Now, she could tell Santana because she was changing jobs at the CIA. She would remain with the CIA but no longer out in the field and under Clandestine Services. After 13 years, mainly in Iran and China, she was settling back to Washington, D.C. Quinn was going to teach Chinese (Mandarin), Farsi, and American Sign Language. She would still be involved in special missions that required her level of expertise. She just wasn't going to be travel and stationed around the world. Quinn wanted to settle down back home in America after Judy was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 months earlier.

Quinn took memories of that night to every locale she was assigned to. Quinn memorized those words she wrote to Santana. She took a picture of that note and read it every single day. She knew she would never feel that way again. Sure, Quinn tried. She had a very few, select girlfriends and boyfriends, but they all paled in comparison to Santana. She even was engaged to a great guy who was completely devoted and in love with her. She winced, remembering leaving poor Scott at the altar, leaving her mother to deliver the awful news. Quinn was runaway bride running away from a wonderful man. The truth is all she wanted was Santana. Her Santana. The thing is she was only "her Santana" for that one night. Who knew about the Santana of twenty years since that night? She could be married for all Quinn knew. She could have seen that one magical night as just meaningless sex. It sure didn't feel that way. That night was the best sex she ever had. Honestly, sex was what she had with few people after Santana. With Santana, it was special. She hated the euphemism "making love" but that is what she would call it with Santana.

"Quinnie, darling, I think Rachel is here," Judy says, snapping Quinn from her thoughts.

"Ok, Mom. You sure will be okay?"

"Now, Quinn, it's just one night. Go have fun with your friends. The night nurse will be here soon."

Quinn was shocked at how rapidly the cancer took over her mother's body. She was confined to home, with a night nurse staying overnight so that Quinn could rest. She had taken a leave of absence while Judy underwent her first round of chemo and radiation. Frannie came when she could but she was married with 3 kids under the age of 7 at home. As much as Judy insisted that Quinn not take a leave, Quinn wouldn't listen. She spent too much time away from her due to her job. She needed to be back in Lima for her mom.

Quinn walked over to her mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Don't wait up, Mom. I' ll tell you all about it in the morning.

Tell Santana I say "Hi!"

Quinn just groaned as she walked out the door to see Rachel waiting outside of her car. She took a deep breath. She hadn't seen anyone since the wedding. She would be lying to herself if she didn't admit she wanted to be in Lima Grand Hotel with Santana again. She stepped forward toward Rachel, uncertain how this night would turn out. She hoped against hope she wold see the the great love her life. Quinn couldn't wait to see Santana.


	2. Chapter 2

**_One month later: March 14th, 2014_**

"I don't believe you, Rachel Berry! You are a good actress but you are not that good. Tell me where Quinn is now!"

"I'm sorry, Santana. I honestly have no clue where she is or why she won't return any of your texts, calls, or e-mails. She isn't returning mine either. I just got that text from her the day after the wedding."

"Wait. What text?"

Rachel unlocks her iPhone and shoes it to Santana:

 _Hey Rach. Hope you had a wonderful night with Finn. I had an amazing one with Santana. Please take care of her for me. She acts all tough and hard but I know she really does care about you. Promise me, okay? Last night made me realize that I love her. Maybe I'm even in love with Santana. She will need you now, more than ever. Bye, Rach. Go and be the bright, shiny, gold star you are. Xx -Q_

"You knew that we slept together and didn't say anything? And you slept with Finn? How did I not know that sooner?"

"I knew that you would tell me when you felt comfortable enough or frustrated. Quinn told me in confidence. I wasn't going to betray her trust. Finn and I were down the hall from you two. I thought I saw you go into a room together and Quinn confirmed it. I didn't tell you because… well, I don't know why. Maybe because I thought you would make fun of me."

"Rachel, haven't I proven to you what a good friend I am. Have a little faith in me. Plus, I pick Finn over Brody. Finn still loves you. And apparently, Quinn loves me."

"Do you love her Santana?"

"I never knew how much I loved her until that night. It was magical. The whole night she was flirting with me. Of course, I flirted right back. When we were dancing while you and Finn sang, my heart was beating so fast. It felt right to be in her arms. She was the one who suggested we go upstairs. She made the first move. Rachel, it wasn't just sex for me. It meant something; she means something to me. And she has dropped off the face of the earth."

"Have you tried calling Judy or Shelby? One of them must know where Quinn is. Is she even still at Yale?"

"Well, if she still is, she is doing a bang up job of hiding. I even called her roommate, Melissa. She told me that Quinn moved out of their room as soon as she got back from the wedding. No explanation."

"What is Quinn up to?"

"Well, I'm about to find out."

The phone rang three times before Judy answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mrs. Fabray. This is Santana Lopez. I was hoping that you could tell me where Quinn is. I've been trying to get a hold of her."

Judy's heart broke hearing Santana's voice.

"I'm sorry my dear but I cannot tell you that. Quinn asked me not to. She told me to tell you that she loves you."

"So, you do you know where she is! Wait. You know about us?"

"Yes, my dear. She spilled the beans the morning after. I have never seen my daughter so happy."

"Quinn was happy. Why wouldn't you want her to stay happy?"

"Santana, if Quinn wanted you to know where she is, she would have told you herself. Now, I have to go. Just know that she loves you very much. I can tell that you love my Quinnie too. Take care, Santana."

"So…."

"Quinn told Judy about us and she wasn't mad or freaking out about it. She said Quinn told her to tell me that she loves me. She knows where she is. She refuses to tell me."

"Call Shelby. She wouldn't abandon Beth."

An out-of-breath Shelby answered the phone.

"Hi Shel-"

"Can you hold a second? Beth! Don't draw on the walls! Hello?"

"Hi Shelby. It's Santana. Do you know where Quinn is?"

"I was expecting your call. I'm sorry Santana but I cannot help you."

"But you do know where she is."

"I do for right now. It will be changing shortly, then I don't know where she will be."

"So, you do talk to her, then?"

"Yes, she calls Beth every Sunday afternoon."

"Can you tell her something for me, please?"

"Ok, what is it?"

"Just tell her I love her too."

"I have to go Santana. Beth is drawing her latest masterpiece on the living room wall. Bye."

Shelby hung up before Santana could say anything.

"Well, at least you told her to tell Quinn how you felt."

"Your little sister is drawing on the living room wall."

"A little artist. She is quite good, for a 3 year-old."

Santana sauntered over to Rachel, who opened her arms to hug her. She walks into her arms. After a moment she asks her:

"Can I show you something, Rach?"

"Sure. What is it?"

Santana pulls a folded up note from the back pocket of her jeans and hands her Quinn's letter. Rachel holds it in her hands as Santana recites the words by heart. By then end of it, Santana is crying.

"What am I going to do?"

"You know what? You are going to write Quinn a letter and mail it to Judy. Then, it will be on her to give it to Quinn. It sounded like she supported the two of you. Hopefully, she will do the right thing and pass it along to Quinn."

"Rachel, that's brilliant. Thanks for this."

"After what you did for me with the whole Brody fiasco, consider it a proper "Thank You."

Santana scurries off to her room to write her letter to Quinn.

 _March 14th, 2014_

 _Dear Quinn,_

 _I'm just going to say it. I love you. I love you and I hate you._

 _I love you for the way your eyes look at me like I am the most important person in your world. I love you in spite of you slapping me at Thanksgiving. I love you even though you infuriate me at times. I love you when I kiss you. You are the best damn kisser, even better than me. I love you for being brave and making the hardest decision of your life: giving up Beth. I love how you can be so smart one minute and a complete goofball the next. I love you for making me want to be a person who believes in their dreams. I love you for pushing me to be the best version of myself. I love you for all your faults and all your perfection. I love you, Lucy Quinn Fabray. Don't you ever doubt it._

 _I hate you for leaving me all alone after the best night of my life. It hurt so fucking much to wake up without you by my side. I hate that you left me a note instead of waking me up and telling me how you felt. I hate you for making me feel all these things for you and not giving me the chance to say them in person. I hate you for telling your Mom to tell me that you love me. I want to hear you say it. Don't you want to hear me say it to you?_

 _Where are you Quinn? Why did you go radio silent? Are you in trouble? Please let me know you are okay. I'm so worried about you. At first, I thought this was a game you were playing. You didn't tell Rachel where you are! By the way, thanks for telling her about us and your mom too, for that matter._

 _Quinn, I love you. I miss you. I just want to hold you. I want to kiss you until your lips are bruised. I want to touch your perfect albaster skin and look in your hazel eyes. I want to make love to you. I want to be inside you and watch you as you come tumbling down. I want to slap you when you are being a bitch. i want to cuddle with you as we watch some lame foreign film you want to see. I want to grow up and grow old with you. I want to be here for you. Please let me._

 _All my love,_

 _Santana_

 ** _One week later:_ _March 21st 2014_**

"Mom, what do you mean Santana wrote me a letter?"

It was Sunday. After Quinn talked to Beth, she would call her mother. She had just informed her daughter that she received a post on Saturday from Santana.

"Quinn, I am holding it in my hands. She wrote a note to me, begging that I forward it onto you. You have to read her letter, darling. You got to say good-bye. Let her say what she wants to say."

"Okay, mom. Mail it to Professor Daley. Mail any pertinent letters to her. She will make she I get it."

"Excellent decision, Quinnie. Things going good?"

"Yes, mom. It's all very exciting and challenging. I have to go. Love you, mom."

"I'll mail it first thing in the morning. Bye, sweetheart."

 ** _Five days later:_ _March 26th 2014_**

Quinn is sitting in Professor Daley's office. It is her monthly meeting with her faculty advisor. At the end of the meeting she hands Quinn an envelope.

"How smart of you to have your mother send your mail to me. It things like that make me know you are going to be a superb officer, Quinn. See you next month!"

Quinn stuffs the envelope in her messenger bags and sprints home. With shaky hands, she recovers the envelope from the bottome of her bag. Taking a deep breath, she slides her finger underneath the flap to open it. There is a post-it note on another envelope:

 _Quinn- I hope that you find comfort in whatever Santana has written here. She sounded so heartbroken, darling. I know she loves you too. She told me so, over and over again. I understand why it has to be this way but she doesn't. Talk to you on Sunday. Love, Mom_

She peels off the post-it note and sees her name written across the front in Santana's characteristic scrawl. She had beautiful penmanship for being a leftie. Quinn closed her eyes and took a cleansing breath in and out. Once again, she slid her finger underneath the flap, pulling out the letter. Immediately, she noted the date. One month since that night. As she read the words, the tears fell freely from her face. She now knew that that night meant something to Santana too. "She loves me," is all Quinn could think about, as she re-read the letter over and over again. Her mom said Santana was heartbroken. Quinn could feel an profound ache in her chest as she slumped to the ground. Her heart was breaking too. How could loving someone so much feel so painful? Quinn sat on the floor and wept, wishing Santana could be with her right now to hold her. She knew that her love for Santana ran deep. She was in love. No doubt about it and there was nothing she could do about it. Perhaps, that was the most painful thing of all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **May 2017**

Santana flipped through Yale's Commencement program that Judy mailed her. It was the first contact she had with Mrs. Fabray since she mailed Quinn her declaration of love 3 years ago. Well, besides the monthly phone calls she made, harassing her for Quinn's whereabouts. Santana initiated all of those calls. It was the first time Judy was reaching out to her. She had a feeling that Quinn had been at Yale this whole time.

"A-ha! Here she is, Rachel. Look!"

 _Lucy Quinn Fabray, Distinction in Global Affairs and Middle Eastern Studies; Henry Hart Rice Prize; Summa Cum Laude; Phi Beta Kappa_

"Jesus, Quinn. Way to rock it out, Miss Smartypants. Look at all that stuff after her name. She double majored?Global Affairs? Middle Eastern Studies? Didn't she say she was a Drama major? She was sleeping with her English Lit professor, right? I wonder what kind of job she could possibly get with those degrees."

"Your guess is as good as mine, Santana. Well, at least you know where she was. Problem is, you don't know where she is going."

"I have a pretty strong hunch that Quinn is going to graduate school. Yale would be the obvious choice. Let's look up the graduate programs!"

"I feel like we are looking for Carmen Sandiego. Did Judy send a letter with it?

Santana handed over the envelope to Rachel and went to her room to get her MacBook.

Rachel gasped as she saw Quinn's graduation portrait that Judy had enclosed.

"Santana! You have to see this!"

"What are you hollering about?" Santana asks her.

She stops dead in her tracks when she sees what Rachel is holding up: a picture of Quinn. Her heart stopped. All she had left were memories of that night. To see what Quinn looked like now took her breath away. She was a beautiful as ever with a radient smile on her face. She wasn't wearing a cap so her lustrious blonde hair was longer with the ends curled, probably styled for the picture. She loved it when Quinn wore minimal make-up. She didn't need to fix perfection. The thing that caught her were were hazel eyes; they always get her. In the picture, they are wide open as Quinn is smiling brightly. She is wearning lots of cords and sashes around her neck, probably to signify all those things after her name in the graduation bulletin. Santana blinked a couple of times. Her Quinn was so grown-up. All Santana could think about was how much of Quinn's life she has missed. How much of her life Quinn had missed. She began to cry.

Rachel came to Santana, sitting her on the couch, wrappng her arm around her best friend.

"Santana, Judy wrote a letter. Shall I read it aloud?"

Santana nodded.

 _May 14th 2017_

 _Dear Santana- I really shouldn't be doing this but I know that you are still looking for my Lucy. Here is the only thing I can give you. I know that I cannot tell you what to do but it's best if you stop looking for Quinn now. She is healthy and in a good place. While I can honestly say that I don't think she will ever be as happy as the last time you saw her, she has accepted that. She still loves you Santana and she wants you to move on. Quinn would kill me if she knew I was doing this. I wanted to give you some closure. Your mother tells me that you will be graduating from NYU next year. I am very proud of the woman you have become. I wish Quinn could have been there to see your transformation; to see you when you graduate. Take care, Santana. -Judy_

"What kind words she has for you, Santana. Don't you think you should heed her advice? I doubt that Judy will ever write you again."

"Do you think I should stop, Rachel?"

"I think you should do what you want to do. I think you need to do what is best for you. What I think is that Judy is right- you need to move on. I've seen you Santana moving toward it, but you are still clinging onto Quinn. You are holding on to hope. I am never one to give up on hope but I don't see what else you can do."

"I'm pathetic, Rach. After all this time, just seeing her makes me feel like this. Look at her, Rachel. She has become this amazing human being and I've missed all of it."

"Santana, you've become a pretty amazing person too and she has missed all of that. Next May, you will be graduating with a degree in Gender and Sexuality Studies. Then, you will get your Masters in Social Work and be this awesome counselor. You have been a best friend to me. You are a wonderful person. Being here in New York City has transformed you, Santana. Quinn hasn't been here but I have and I am so proud of you."

Santana squeezes Rachel hard. Living with Rachel for four years has turned her into a hugger.

"You are right, Rachel. I have to let her go."

Santana finally did that, at least in her own way, starting from that moment on. She boxed up all of the photos of Quinn, all remnants of their time as Cheerios, the note Quinn wrote, and the outfit she wore that night of Mr. Schue's failed wedding and gave it to Rachel for safe keeping. She focused on her Senior year at NYU. She leaned on Rachel even more. There were many difficult days, when she asked Rachel for the box. Yet, after shedding some tears and reminiscing, she would give Rachel the box back. The last thing she did was write her last letter to Quinn.

 ** _May 16, 2018_**

 _Dear Quinn- I promise this is the last time I will contact you. I wanted to give you a copy of my NYU commencement program. I know she shouldn't have but your mom sent me yours last year. Please don't be mad at her. I have harassed for 3 long years. I did it, Quinn. I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. You are an instrumental factor in me discovering that. I graduated (Magna Cum Laude, I might add) with a Bachelor of Arts in Gender and Sexuality Studies with a Double Minor in Music and Psychology. I will starting my Masters in Social Work program in the fall. I want to be a counselor for LGBT youth. You helped me find my way. I think about you every single day. Before I fall asleep every night, I wish you good night and kiss the graduation picture that Judy sent me. Again, please don't be mad at her. She means well. If I didn't know any better, I think she wants us to be together. I wish for that too. Alas, you are where you and I am here. I could never say good-bye to you. I still love you very much. Instead, I will say "Hasta Luego, mi amor." Know that I carry you in my heart wherever I go. Remember to not be so hard on yourself. Remember to laugh and let loose a little. Most of all, remember that night we spent at the Lima Grand Hotel. It was the best night of my life because it was when I realized I was in love with you. Love always, your Santana_

 **May 20, 2018**

"Sweetheart, Santana has sent you a letter."

"What mom? I can't hear you? Hold on…"

Quinn speaks in perfect Mandarin to her roommate and her best friend, Chan-Bene, asking her to shut the door to her bedroom. Quinn had just finished her 1st year of her Masters in Global Affairs and Public Health program. She was spending her summer vacation in China. She still kept up her Sunday afternoon calls; Beth first, than mother.

"Ok, mom, what was that?"

"Lucy, I said that Santana has sent you a letter."

Quinn had an immediate gasp at that sentence. It made her heart stop. Over these past three years, her mother told her that Santana would call her once a month to ask about her. It was always on Sundays, just like her phone calls. Maybe Santana thought that Judy would break and finally give in to her pleas. It hurt Judy to say the same thing every single time: "If Quinn wanted you to know where she is, she would tell you." In return, Santana would say the same thing every single time: "Please tell Quinn how much I love her." Judy always brought it up with Quinn after every time she would call, but Quinn would never say anything. Judy would just sigh, then ask about Beth. But a letter! She had not gotten anything from Santana since that love letter.

"Mail it."

"I already did. You should be getting it in a week. "

 **May 28, 2018**

"Quinn! Quinn! I have it!" Chan-Bene says as she puts the mail down.

Quinn comes running out of her bedroom. Her best friend smiles widely, handing her the letter. Bene, as Quinn called her, was Quinn's best friend since the very first day of her summer CIA internship in Washington, D.C. after her freshman year at Yale. They were paired up as roommates back then and have been best friends and roommates every summer since. In Bene, she found a little bit of her Glee girls wrapped up in one person. She had the drive and ambition of Rachel, mixed with the whimsy of Brittany. She had the sweetness of Tina and the sassiness of Mercedes. There was no one who could replace her Santana. In the time since that night, Quinn had a couple of short-term relationships, with both men and women. She always found a reason to end it. It wasn't a fear of committment. It was that she was still in love with Santana.

"I can't, Bene. Please read it for me."

Bene looked at her with compassionate eyes, pulling her towards the couch.

"You sure?"

She just nodded.

Bene opened the manila envelope. This time, there was no post-it note from Mother. There was a NYU commencement program. She flipped to the"Ls" and there she was:

 _Santana Maribel Lopez, Bachelor of Art: Gender and Sexuality Studies, Double Minor: Music and Psychology; University Honors Scholar; Magna Cum Laude_

"Wow, Quinn, that's impressive. Hang on, there is another envelope in here."

Bene plucks the other envelope out and Quinn recognizes Santana's handwriting immediately. Santana's words are contained in that envelope and Bene is about open it.

"Wait!"

Bene halts her movements and looks at Quinn. She grabs her hands, squeezes them, then hands her the letter.

"Quinn, you have to do this. You have to read this. I am right here beside you, okay?"

Quinn had told Bene all about Santana. So, she knew how in love her best friend was with the girl, her former best friend. She had been there many nights after a few to many drinks were had and Quinn was a sobbing mess over Santana. Bene encouraged her to move and to date. She recognized how futile her prodding was since she still held on so strongly to her Cheerios co-captain.

Bene swings her arm over Quinn in the hopes of shielding her from whatever words come tumbling out. Quinn takes a couple of deep breaths in and out before gingerly opening the letter. What she was not prepared for was the graduation portrait Santana had enclosed. She was even more beautiful that Quinn remembered. Santana had a smile you can see all the way up to her eyes. She was beaming, brimming with confidence. Quinn touched her cheek, closing her eyes, wishing she was stroking that cheek this very moment. In her NYU regalia, Santana took Quinn's breath away. Then, she proceeded forward to the letter. She read it quietly to herself but she could hear Santana reciting it to her. Tears were streaming down her face as she gives the letter for Bene to read.

All Bene could say was, "Oh honey…" as her own tears fell over the anguish of her best friend. Quinn retreated in the crook of Bene's shoulder, wishing that she was Santana instead.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Valentine's Day, 2014 (Santana's POV)

Santana knew coming to Mr. Shue's wedding was a huge mistake. She follows Quinn and sidles up next to her into the pew she has apparently picked for them to sit in. She cannot believe she is back in this godforsaken town again. Santana had just gotten to New York City and was ready to leave her past behind. It was this damn wedding that she completely forgot about. She wasn't even gone for a whole month. However, all the Glee kids promised to be back for Mr. Schue & Miss Pillsbury's wedding when they were home for Thanksgiving. As much as Santana protested, the only way to shut Hummelberry up was to go. If she had to come, that meant Quinn had to come too, no excuses. So, there we all were, sitting in one of the two churches in Lima, waiting for the wedding to start. She hadn't seen Kurt or Rachel, so she was with Quinn.

Santana thought about the last wedding she had been to, the Hummel-Hudson nuptials, over at Lima Presbyterian Church across town. She had come to this church every Sunday as a child, singing in the choir, until high school happened. She told mami that she was old enough to decide for herself if she wanted to be a Catholic and attend Sunday Mass. Maribel knew she was not going to win this argument. Abuela was more stubborn and she laid a guilt trip on her every Sunday morning. Santana just kept ignoring her until she eventually gave up. She would still go to Midnight Mass and on Easter Sunday; even papi went those days. It was really because she was starting to develop feelings for girls, instead of boys. It was becoming more and more apparent to her, as she entered McKinley for her freshman year. She felt like going to Catholic Mass was a sin because being a homosexual meant she was going to hell. It made her feel guilty, kneeling in front of Jesus on the Cross, who died to save her, thinking unnatural thoughts for Brittany. The awkwardness she felt sitting in this church, with the object of her affection sitting so close yet being so far away. Santana huffed and crossed her legs, hoping the wedding would be over fast, so she could hightail it out of here and to the closest bar.

Apparently, Quinn was bitter too. Something about it being Valentine's Day on top of this wedding was making her words sound terse and harsh. Santana agreed with her. The whole thing just had disaster written all over it. She had fucking forgot that it was Valentine's Day. This year, just like every year since she could remember, Brittany was her Valentine. This year, she was Sam's Valentine. This year, Santana had no valentine.

It made her sad to remember where she was last year for Valentine's Day. It was the best Valentine's Day ever. She was with Brittany for real, as girlfriend and girlfriend. Brittany had made that silly playlist that Santana now love to listen to over and over again until she couldn't stand the pain it causes. They were kissing in the halls, just like Finn and Rachel. The God Squad sang Cherish/Cherish, as her Valentine's Day gift to Brittany. She led them to the dance floor, like she always does. Santana can remember being so happy, feeling so safe in her ex-girlfriend's arms, as she swayed us around the dance floor. She always let Brittany lead and Santana just followed. Santana would follow her anywhere. As the song ended and the crowd erupted in applause, Brittany whispered to her, "Thank you. I cannot believe you did that for me." Santana did the only thing she could, to show you how much she loved you and how much I do cherished her. Santana kissed her in front of everyone. She didn't care that they were there. It didn't matter anymore. All she cared about was her girlfriend. The rest of the night was magical. Dancing at the Sugar Shack, singing along with all of their friends, just being with Brittany- it was one of the best nights of Santana's life.

Next thing she knows, Quinn and her are at the reception of the Wemma wedding that wasn't. She actually having fun, dancing with Quinn and Mike Chang, until she spots Brittany dancing with Sam. Seeing her dancing with someone else, someone other than her feels like a punch to her gut. Santana physically needs to steady herself, so she grabs Quinn's arm, takes a moment, then leads her to the bar. It really is too easy to score alcohol in this podunk town. They flash their horrible fake IDs, smile flirtatiously at the college student tending the bar, and he generously pours them 2 glasses of wine. Santana was glad that if anything good could come of this night, it was an open bar. Hey, somebody had to have a good time and drink this alcohol. It's all paid for anyway. This logical reasoning sounds great in her head and before I knew it, Santana had lost count of how many glasses of wine they had both had.

Quinn was droning on and on about Yale, Jodie Foster's 2nd clambake, and that young, hot English professor she was banging. She could see thru all of Quinn's bravado. She knew that she wasn't having as good of a time as she was saying. This was what it meant being Quinn's best friend or at least the way that they were friends. They always told it to each other straight, no matter what it was. Feelings were disregarded and, in fact, Santana enjoyed that part of their friendship. They were the only people who could be brutally honest to each other and mean it. Anyone else, Quinn and Santana would have slapped them. Actually, over Thanksgiving they did slap each other and it was satisfying, to say the least. All these thoughts are pushing thru Santana's alcohol-riddled mind when she feels it. Quinn places her hand on her arm and tells Santana that she looks hot tonight. Santana can see it on her face, hear it in her tone, and the way she touch her. Quinn is flirting with her. She has witnessed this little dance all through high school with the lot of them: Finn, Puck, and Sam. Now, you where using your charms on me. Santana could feel the intensity of her hazel eyes and hear the sincerity in her voice, Quinn meant what you said and paid Santana a genuine compliment. This was new territory for the and Santana just smiled, to show her that gladly accepts the nice words. It intrigues her and she continues to listen to her recitation on the beauty of Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass, apparently what Quinn was studying in hot professor's class.

At some point, they turn the drinking from wine to cocktails. Cute bartender is even handing Santana the cocktail shaker to shake, before he pours out some delightful concoction that was apparently made specifically for this wedding: a Wemma cocktail. Just thinking of Miss Pillsbury for a moment made her sad. She even picked out a special cocktail for her wedding reception. Mr. Schue really was an asshole. Santana thinks everyone else is dancing to Blaine and Kurt's rendition of "I Just Can't Get Enough." She sees Brittany across the dance floor, yukking it up with Sam and the rest of the Glee kids. Seeing her dancing and having so much fun without me makes her even sadder. Santana thinks in her head, "How did we get to this place, where I am here and you are there? Where you are with someone who gets to make you laugh like that and smile like that?" Santana thought she was the only one who could do that.

She knew she had no right to get angry. She was the one who broke up with her, after all. Quinn must have seen her looking at Brittany with forlorn eyes because she waves the cocktail in her sight of view, obscuring Brittany with the pink drink.

"Santana, what are you doing?" she asks.

"No, I am not. I mean... I was just seeing all of our friends dance," Santana sheepishly answers. She is fully expecting her to make fun of her or to at least call her out on her blantly staring. What she does, instead, surprises her. Quinn shows Santana concern and kindness as she turns back towards her, clinking their martinis glasses together.

"To getting out of this shit-town and finding ourselves!" she exclaims.

Santana raises her glass to hers and says, "To us and to tonight."

Quinn smiles brightly, at Santana's addition to her toast, before they both down the liquid, as if it was shot. After slamming the glasses back on the bar, to signal the next round, Santana looks up and sees Quinn looking at her. It was a look she had never seen in those hazel eyes. It confused her.

Santana blinks and now she is in the middle of the dance floor, with her arm draped around Quinn's shoulders. She is grateful to have worn her stilettos tonight, so that she is the same height as Quinn. Rachel and Finn are singing "We've Got Tonight" and Santana finds herself getting lost in the moment and in the lyrics. She sways with Quinn. She must have felt a shift in Santana's body, a body that had only known Brittany like this. It is not that dancing with Quinn is uncomfortable. Santana reasons if anyone knows her better than Brittany does, it is Quinn. It is just a new sensation. Quinn pulls her back by the shoulders and looks deep in her brown eyes and saying, "I've never slow danced with a girl before. I think I like it." She catches Santana off guard with this comment, quirks her eyebrow at Santana, before pulling her back in her arms. She knew where her mind went, where it always goes. Santana appreciates how she is trying to help her forget, if even for one dance, if even for one night.

Santana's heart starts beating triple time by the time they are traipsing down the 3rd floor of the surprisingly fancy hotel. In her head somewhere, there a voice telling her to slow down, to stop and think about what she about to do.

She has this inner dialogue in her buzzed, horny mind:

"You are going into a hotel room with Lucy Quinn Fabray, not Brittany S. Pierce. Yes, she has been mercilessly flirty with me all night. Yes, I have flirted right back at her. Hey, I have a reputation to uphold and I know I am a hottest piece of ass in this joint. But there is a huge line between saying things, dancing closely, and having sex. I mean, this is where all of this is leading, right? I am about to hook-up with my other best friend. Shit. I mean look at her. Really look at her, Santana. I can see what everyone sees: a fucking gorgeous woman. I also know what nobody sees: a vulnerable, scared girl not that different from myself. I could stop this, stop us, before it gets more out of hand than it already has. I could grab her hands, as she pulls me into the room. I could stop my lips from crashing into hers with so much want and desire. I could stop my hands from taking off her jacket, her dress, her bra, her thong. I could stop all of this. But, I don't want to. I want this. I want Quinn, right now, in this moment. I need this for one night. It takes two to tango and she could stop me at anytime, too. But I get the feeling that she wants this as much as I do."

Quinn reciprocates: kiss for kiss, touch for touch. She is a quick study and is eager to try whatever Santana is doing to her. She surprises her with her movements and how turned on she is making her. Santana can tell she is close and it thrills her to know that she making her emit noises of pleasure. Santana wants to taste her but she am not sure how receptive Quinn would be to that. So, she sheaths her body complete with hers, allowing Quinn to feel her breasts press into hers, kiss her deeply, hold her hand with hers. Santana stops and looks deep into her eyes. Quinn's eyes are filled with lust and amazement. She looks at her with so much need for release as she bucks her hips up into me. Santana wants to show her that she cares and that I do love her, just not in the way she deserves. Quinn does deserve to be shown how wonderful sex can be between two people who care for each other. So, she slows things down. Santana wants her to not feel like this is just a throwaway, drunken one-night stand. She reasons, she is her only female sexual experience ever, she wants to blow her mind.

Quinn again notices the shift in her actions, that she is not in the frenetic, breakneck speed with which they started all of this. Santana is waiting for her to tell her stop and that this is all a mistake. But she doesn't say any of that. Instead, she pulls her chin up and kisses her ever so gently, as if saying it's okay to keep going. They continue this dance of lips, tongues, and touches until they are both so worked up. Santana knows she is ready and she knows what to do. She takes a lock of Quinn's blonde hair and gently places it behind her ear. Santana looks down with love and adoration for her. It is at this moment that she knows she loves Quinn. Maybe even a bit more than friends are supposed to love each other. She acknowledges a deep love that had always been there. Perhaps, she could even be in love with her.

Santana enters her slowly with her two fingers, allowing Quinn to adjust to her. She looks down at her, Quinn's eyes closed on pleasure, her fingernails pressing into her back.

"You okay?" she asks her. Santana doesn't want to hurt her or do something she doesn't want.

Quinn opens her eyes and answers breathlessly, "Fuck, Santana, you feel so good."

With that, Santana begins to move: her fingers, her hands, her whole body. She rocks into her, feeling Quinn rise up to meet her. Again, she is surprised at her actions, wondering if she really is the first girl she has ever been with. Then, Santana is reminded of that day that hotel room in New York City, her telling Britts and her that she was "not into that." Well, she most certainly was right now, writhing underneath her. Quinn comes undone with one more thrust. She blooms and unfolds around my fingers like the most lovely pink rose, with each petal falling down around them. After awhile, she slowly withdraws my fingers from her, kissing her one more time.

A few moments later, Quinn is propped up on pillows at the head of the bed with the comforter snugly around her beautiful, naked body, taking a swig from a water bottle. Santana is lying at the foot of the bed, draped in a bed sheet. She is so fucking turned on: by their previous activities, knowing she just made her best friend come, and because Quinn looked ridiculously hot in the afterglow of sex.

"So, that is why college girls experiment." Quinn says

"And thank god that they do," Santana answers back. She can tell she about to ask about this and if it changes anything.

"This is a one-time thing." Quinn responds.

"I am not going to come with a U-Haul, if that is what you are worried about," Santana says, reading her mind.

Quinn sighs in relief, knowing that they are both on the same page.

"So, what do we do now?" Q asks her. She assumes that she has had this type of activity. Honestly, Quinn is her first drunken hook-up.

"Well, you can go downstairs first... (she decides to press her luck) or we can make this a two-time thing?"

Quinnie throws a mischievous look to Santana, before lungeing toward her body, taking the sheet down from her body. She makes Santana come too, with remarkable ease. Maybe it has been so long since she had sex; maybe it is because Quinn is the first girl she has been with who is not Brittany.

Q holds her in her arms and Santana returns her embrace. They remain like that, just breathing in the silence of the room and of the moment. She knows that once they leave this room, they will go back to our lives. Quinn will go back to Yale. She will go back to New York City. They may will never speak of this ever again. Santana wonders how their relationship and friendship will change because of this. Would things even have to change? In the moments after, as she hears Quinn snore softly in her ear, she know that is changes everything. Yet, she knew it was okay to cross this line with Quinn. Santana knew that if they both wanted to, they could cross back over that line after this night was over.

But they've got tonight, Quinn and her. Tomorrow will come soon enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 _Valentine's Day, 2014 (Quinn's POV)_

Quinn sighed as she woke up in her old bedroom. It was another Valentine's Day and she was home in Lima and all alone. Could it get any more depressing? She thought about all of the men in her past: Finn, Puck, and Sam. She thought about her current situation, sleeping with her English Literature professor. They weren't even dating; it was all sex and barely any feelings. He was in his late twenties, unhappily married, and flirted with her mercilessly. She decided to go out to coffee with him that first week of the Fall semester and that led into her current predicament. Quinn knew what she was to him: a harmless fling. The thing is that it was harming her. The more she allowed it to go on, the more Quinn was condoning the behavior. She decided that when she went back to Yale, she would end things with Bennett. Plus, she didn't have time for frivolous relationships. Right before she left for the wedding, Quinn had a meeting with her faculty advisor, Professor Daley. She told Quinn something she never would have expected.

"Quinn, I believe that you have what it takes to work for the CIA. You are incredibly intelligent. I have been observing you since you started here. I know that you want to be a Drama major. Can I ask what made you decide to take "Introduction to the Middle East?" It's an unusual choice, especially for a freshman."

Quinn was in shock. Then, she realized Professor Daley asked her a question.

"Well, Professor Daley…"

"Quinn, call me Jes, please."

"O.k. Well, Jes, it looked really interesting. I thought that I was going to be a Drama major but I am finding that is utterly unfillfulling.I am really enjoying this class."

"You do recognize it is a Sophomore level class? I have spoken to Professor Patel and he sings your praises. Amal has told me you show much promise. You even inquired about learning Farsi?"

"Yes, I did. I have always had a natural affinity for language. I am fluent in French and Spanish. Over the summer, I plan to learn Sign Language. Since I am interested in the region, I thought I should learn Farsi, maybe Arabic too."

"Quinn, I am a recruiter for the CIA. It is my real purpose of being at Yale. When I read over your admission application, I knew that you had "it." When I get that feeling about a prospective student, I ask to be their faculty advisor."

"So, you don't teach?"

"No, I do. I do have a Ph.D in English Literature. However, that is secondary to my role at the CIA."

"What happens now?"

"Are you interested in hearing about CIA?"

Quinn thought about it. Why not? What did she have to lose?

"Yes, Jes. I want to learn more about the CIA."

Quinn couldn't believe what she heard. Jes told her that she would start that summer in her CIA Summer Internship in Washington, D.C. She would do it after every undergraduate academic year. Next, Quinn would go to graduate school, continuing her summer internships. Once she completed her Masters, Quinn would begin in the CIA. Together, they decided her major: Global Affairs and Middle Eastern Studies. Then, she would get her Masters in Global Affairs and Public Health. By the age of 25, she would be in the CIA, in their clandestine service, as a translator. She had this bright, shiny future. How fitting that after learning all of that, she would be back in Lima. What a juxtaposition.

Her iPhone's text message sounded loudly from her bedside table.

 _Santana: Tubbers, you here?_

 _Quinn: Why do you insist on calling me Tubbers? I am more fit now that I was as Cheerios captain._

 _Santana: Consider it a term of endearment._

 _Quinn: Yes, I flew in late last night._

 _Santana: I can't believe I'm back here. There better be an open bar. Did you bring your fake ID?_

 _Quinn: Of course I did, Rosario._

 _Santana: See you in a couple of hours?_

 _Quinn: Yeah, see you at the Church._

Quinn wasn't all that excited to be back in Lima. She wanted to be back here as little as possible. She was just home for the holidays. Quinn made a big stink of Santana "forcing" her to come back. But, if she was honest, she wanted to see Santana. Since the slap, they had been texting back and forth. Quinn reconnected with her fremeny, who was now her best friend again. Sure, Quinn had made a couple of friends at Yale. None of them would know the real her. Santana knew all about her and still cared about her. Quinn discovered how much she cared for Santana too. This was the reason why she was going to the wedding. She wanted to be there for Santana, knowing that Brittany and Sam would be going to the wedding together.

Rachel and Kurt picked Quinn up and on to the church they went.

"Where is Santana?"

"Oh, she refused to be seen in my car, so she is driving herself to the church."

"Why? You have a nice car, Rachel?"

"I think it's more about being seen with me…."

Kurt states plainly, "Sweetie, it's because your interior is all pink. She told me she can only handle so much pink. So, it's not you per se."

Rachel brightened up after Kurt said that. Hummelberry continued to sing along to the radio, leaving Quinn to her thoughts.

The discussion with Professor Daley weighed heavily on her mind. She desperately wanted to talk to someone. She wanted to talk to Santana about it. She wonders with she would say. Would Santana be excited for her? Or scared for her safety? Would she try to dissuade her or encourage her to go? Professor Daley told her to tell as few people as possible. Quinn told her that she would definitely tell mother and Shelby. She wanted to tell Santana, too. She was deep in thought when she realized that Rachel was speaking to her.

"Quinn, you have only used that Metro pass once! When are you coming to visit again?"

Quinn knew that after this wedding she would be gone, out of everybody's life. But, she couldn't say that so she lied.

"I promise, Rach, soon."

At that, Rachel smiled and turned back to focus on the road. They were at the church soon enough and everyone scattered: Kurt to find Blaine and Rachel to find Finn. Quinn just sighed and decided to look for Santana. She saw her from behind first and a new sensation shot through Quinn. She found herself checking out Santana and

she liked what she saw. She could feel arousal and attraction spread through her body. Santana must have sensed her gawking because she turned with a smirk, "Like what you see, Fabgay?" Quinn blushed as she walked toward her and gave her a hug. Yeah, she was feeling it again. This was definitely going to be a long and interesting night.

Santana sits so close to Quinn that she can feel the heat emanating for Santana's skin. Quinn was so confused. She never felt this way around Santana before. Actually, she never felt this way about anyone before. Finn, Puck Sam. She didn't feel this sensation when she was with any of them. Surprisingly, the fact that it was a girl (Santana, no less) didn't freak her out. It felt right and organic. This wellspring of emotion made Quinn feel electric. She wondered if Santana could feel it too. Quinn thinks that maybe she doesn't feel it because she is looking at Brittany with sad eyes. She still loved her and that broke Quinn's heart. She knew that Santana put up this big front but she was really one of the most sensitive people she knew. It took a lot for her to be out and to make her feelings known. So, Quinn did the only think she could think of. She handed Santana her compact in the hope of distracting her. She really cared for Santana, her best friend. However, her libido was getting the better of her as they sat in the church. Quinn had to keep crossing and uncrossing her legs to try and quell the electricity she was feeling from Santana. Perhaps, that was way she decided to throw caution to the wind. This is probably the last time she would see Santana in a very long time. Why not have a little fun?

So, Quinn unabashedly stares at Santana and flirts. She flips her hair and touches Santana's forearm, seeing goosebumps erupt on coffee colored skin. She looks her in the eyes, mesmerized by her best friend. Santana is taken aback by Quinn's advances but she doesn't put a stop to them. She is enjoying the attention and it is having it's desired effect. Santana is forgetting all about Brittany and Sam because she is too busy with Quinn. Once she danced with Santana, Quinn knew she wanted more. Wanted more of Santana and her eyes, her hands, her touch. She wanted those full lips on hers. So, Quinn pulls her to the elevators. They traipsed down the empty hallway and she pulls her keycard from her clutch. Quinn looks back at Santana and she knows that she will follow her inside.

Once ensconced in the privacy of her room, Quinn looks at Santana with hooded, lust-filled eyes. She pushed her back against the door. You could feel the energy and electricity crackling in the air around them. Quinn parted her lips and licked them in anticipation. She brought her lips within a hair of Santana's before saying, "I've been wanting to do this all night long." Quinn closed her eyes and the miniscule space between them. And that kiss? It was everything and more than she could even imagine.

Quinn knew that her buzz was starting to wear off. Kissing Santana made her sober and realize what she was heading towards. She wanted to have sex with Santana. The thought that surprised her the most was that she wasn't panicking over it. She knew what she wanted and she was going to get it. As if to emphasize her assertion, she bit down on Santana's shoulder, earning a growl. Up until this point, she was taking the lead. Yet, as she was progressing to what she wanted, she began to grow shy. Santana sensed this change in mood. So she took the lead, laying Quinn down on the king size bed. She let Santana strip her down. Quinn had never felt more vulnerable. Even sex with Puck didn't make her feel like this. She felt exposed and was very aware that her body wasn't what it used to be. She ducked her head in shame when Santana lifted her chin and looked her in the eyes.

"Hey, don't do that Quinn. Don't be ashamed of your body. You are so beautiful. I mean, you always have been. But right now, I don't think I've ever seen you be more beautiful. Because these right here, Santana says, as she trails fingers over her stretch marks, are proof of your love and sacrifice for your daughter. These are your battle scars from a war you never should have had to go through alone. I am sorry I wasn't there for you, Quinn. Don't you ever hide yourself away. You are the most beautiful person I know, Lucy Quinn Fabray." Santana seals her words with a kiss. Suddenly, Quinn didn't feel so embarassed anymore.

Santana slowed down the pace. Whether it was to allow Quinn the chance to stop or to just take her time, Quinn didn't know. She was being to gentle with her. It was starting to feel like something more that just sex. Quinn had all these feelings bubble to the surface, as Santana brushed her fingertips up and down her back. She felt like at this moment, she really loved Santana. She had never felt this way before. She kisses Santana hard, seeking her tongue out, curling her hand in dark locks.

Santana takes a lock of Quinn's blonde hair and gently places it behind her ear. Santana looks down with love and adoration for her. Quinn can feel it emanating from her best friend. It is at this moment that she knows she loves Santana. Maybe a bit more that friends are supposed to love each other. She acknowledges a deep love that had always been there. Perhaps, she could even be in love with her.

Santana enters her slowly with her two fingers, allowing Quinn to adjust to her. She looks down at her, Quinn's eyes closed on pleasure, her fingernails pressing into her back.

"You okay?" she asks her. Santana doesn't want to hurt her or do something she doesn't want.

Quinn opens her eyes and answers breathlessly, "Fuck, Santana, you feel so good."

It all gets hazy at this point as Santana bring her to the best orgasm she has ever had. Sex with all those boys didn't even compare to the way Santana made her feel. She didn't know her body could react like that to someone's touch. She was amazed and in awe of Santana. And she was on a mission to make Santana feel the exact same way. Quinn thinks she did a pretty good job, as she hears Santana scream her name mixed in with Spanish words she never learned from Mr. Schue.

In the afterglow, after round 2, they laid together, wrapped up in each other. In what could have been considered awkward, it felt anything but that. It felt comfortable to be this close to Santana, to be naked with her under the sheets. Quinn looks down at Santana and catches her staring.

"I can't believe I just had sex with Quinn Fabray."

Quinn turns beet red.

"I can't believe had sex with my other best friend."

Quinn looks at Santana with concern, allowing her to continue.

"You know, you are my first, after Britt. And I am glad it was with you, Quinn. You know me better that I know myself sometimes. I am happy that it was you, " Santana says, pushing herself up to kiss Quinn gently. She sighs into the kiss.

"I didn't know I could do that, Santana."

"Do what?"

"Come undone like that. It's never, ever felt like that with anyone else."

"I do have skills. Wait, you aren't having gay panic now?"

"Quite the opposite, actually. I finally see what you are talking about. Thank you for being so gentle with me."

Santana kisses Quinn all over her face, before looking directly at her.

"Quinn, you deserve to feel adored. You deserve so much more that what you have gotten out of life. If I could make you feel worthy, if I could make you feel special, it is because you are. I think the reason I push you so hard is because I know that you can do better and be better. You are the best person I know. You've also been through so much, so fast. And the way you have handled it all, Q? Well, I don't think I could have done it with half the grace you have. Please know that you will always have me in your corner. I will always support you." At this, Santana wraps her arms around Quinn, burrowing into her, and falls asleep. Quinn cannot help the tears that escape from such a beautiful admission. She was certain. It was that moment that she fell in love with Santana Lopez.

The morning after wasn't awkward at all. After another round in the shower (bringing the grand total to 3), Santana fell back asleep. Quinn had to go home and pack. She was going back to New Haven later that Sunday and she didn't really spend that much time with Judy. As she looked upon her, knowing that she had these feeling for Santana, she put her words onto the hotel stationary. She kissed Santana one more time and slipped quietly out of the hotel room.

"Lucy, is that you?" Judy calls out from the kitchen.

Quinn walks into the kitchen with a goofy smile plastered on her face.

Judy chuckles and says the first thing that comes out of her mouth.

"Looks like someone got lucky. Just please don't tell me you slept with Puck again."

Quinn is so caught off guard by her mother that she lets it slip out.

"It was Santana."

Hearing herself say the name out loud made it real to Quinn. She had sex, several times with her best friend. And it was the best feeling in the world.

"Finally."

"Wait, what? You aren't flipping out over this?"

"Really, Luce. You think that little of me. First of all, I know that college girls do experiment. I mean I did, too, with your godmother, Margot. Secondly, I know that you two love each other. It's why you guys fight and push each other's buttons. You love her, Quinnie. I've known that for a long time now."

Quinn's mind was reeling.

"Aunt Margot? You're best friend? My godmother?"

"I was young once too, Quinn. It was the 70s. But I wasn't in love with Margot like you are with Santana."

"Mom…"

"Lucy…"

"I don't…" But Quinn couldn't complete the sentence. Instead she said what she knew to be true.

"I do love her, mom. I love Santana. And now, I have to leave her behind."

At this admission, Judy was over the moon. But she sensed there was something more her daugther had to say.

"Mom, I have news to tell you. I have been recruited by the CIA."

Judy listened as Quinn told her all about Professor Daley and all the plans they made for her future.

"So, you see Mom, that is why I cannot pursue anything with Santana. I am only telling you, Frannie, and Shelby. I can't tell her. Telling you three is enough."

Judy nodded her head and opened her arms for her daughter.

"Lucy, I am so very proud of you. But you do realize you are breaking that girl's heart."

"But Mom, I'm also breaking mine." Quinn said as she began to weep.

"Oh, honey."

"Mom, I think I'm in love with Santana. And she will never know how I feel."

"Lucy, she knows. I swear, she knows."

As Quinn boarded her overnight train back to New Haven, she felt a piece of herself now belonged to Santana and the night they shared together. It was a night that forever changed her. A night she would never forget.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6_**

 _Present Day, McKinley Auditorium_

"Jack and Coke for Rosario and I'll have a glass of red wine, please."

Hearing that voice, as her fresh, lightly floral scent wafted thru her nostrils, Santana turned around. Immediately, she was face-to-face, staring into those hypnotizing hazel eyes. Quinn.

Santana did the only greeting she could think of. She slapped her just as the bartender placed their drinks on the counter. Next, Santana placed her hand, cupping the cheek she just slapped, then pulled Quinn in her arms. She let herself feel the weight of Quinn's body pressing into her. She supressed a moan that threatened to escape. The first emotion Santana felt coarsing through her veins was comfort. Through all her women since Quinn, she never felt "this." The word she could best describe it was content. She didn't want this is end, this homecoming into her arms. However, Lima Height anger reared it's ugly head. Not wanting to let go, Santana leaned into the shell of Quinn's ear, growling:

"Where the fuck have you been, Quinn?"

Quinn smiled at the flash of anger she heard in Santana's voice. She was as fiery as she remembered. She whispered into her ear, "Not here, San. Not now." She pulled back and looked into those deep chocolate pools of eyes she could get lost in. Quinn pleaded with Santana for understanding, even though she knew she didn't deserve it. Before San could even say anything, Rachel pulled Quinn away, hugging her senseless.

"Quinn! Oh my goodness! You are here! You came!" Rachel practically squeals in delight seeing her friend again.

Soon after that, Quinn is enveloped by the rest of Glee kids she graduated with: Mike, Puck, Mercedes, and Kurt, who brought Blaine. Santana was pushed in the background as everyone fawned over her. She was looking at her with sad, confused eyes. Quinn knew Santana deserved answers. Before she told the rest of them where she had been for the last 20 years, Santana deserved to know first. She excused herself from the maddening crowd and walked up to Santana, giving her her hand to take. Gratefully, San took it and Quinn led them away from the auditorium. Quinn couldn't deny how it felt to touch Santana again. It felt like home.

Once they reached the choir room, Quinn turned the handle and they walked inside. It looked pretty much the same, with the exception of more trophies in the display case. Sam had really done a great job with New Directions.

"So? Now are you going to tell me, Quinn?" Santana pulls at her hand to bring her attention back.

Quinn softly smiles and she leads them to chairs in the front row, sitting down to face Santana. She won't apologize for being gone for 20 years. However, she will apologize for leaving her the morning after.

"I had to leave you that morning and you will never know how sorry I am for that. It was a combination of things. Firstly, I was scared when I realized I had all of these feelings for you. After the night that we shared, I could no longer deny the fact that I loved you, that I was actually in love with you. It hit me out of nowhere. Yet, there was another reason why I had to leave you. It was because right before I came back to Lima for Mr. Schue's wedding I was approached by my faculty advisor about joining the CIA."

Santana's eyes bulged and audibly swallowed.

"The CIA? Really Q?"

Quinn had to smile at that. "Yes, really, San. She said after she read my college application, she knew that she wanted me. So, she told me about all of this the day before I came back. I was taking an Intro to the Middle East course and was thinking about changing my major."

"So, that's what's with the degree- Global Affairs and Middle Eastern Studies."

"You remembered."

"Quinn, that Yale commencement book is one of the few things I have left of you, besides this," Santana says, as she pull's Quinn graduation portrait out of her left bra, over her heart. "I take you with me everywhere."

It stops Quinn for a moment as she sees the worn down picture of her former self.

"You are even more beautiful in the flesh, " she says, as she pulls up Quinn's hand and kisses the back of her hand. Such a sweet, romantic gesture.

"Well, yes. Drama was unfulfilling and didn't challege me at all. So, with Jes, my advisor, we came up with a plan of study. I changed my major and spent my Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, and Senior summers in DC with the CIA. After I graduated, I continued onto grad school at Yale, where I got my Masters in Publuc Health and in Global Affairs."

"I told Rachel that you would go to grad school at Yale! But, I didn't persue it or you. I listened to your mom's advice and I tried to move on. Obviously, it didn't work," Santana said with a chuckle.

"At the age of 25, I started at the CIA. 25, First, I was Professional Trainee program for Clandestine Service. After a year, I was a Directorate of Operations Language Officer. I am luent fluent in Farsi, Chinese and Sign Language, in addition to Spanish and French. I have been stationed mainly in the Middle East for the past 20 years. I couldn't tell you all of this because I was undercover. The only people who knew where my Mom, Frannie, and Shelby. Beth didn't even know where I was. I just told her all of this the other day. You know my baby girl is 21! She is going to be graduating from Yale in a couple of weeks. Anyway, that is where I have been all these years, serving our country."

"Wait, so are you leaving the CIA?"

"No, I am just moving away from being in the field, so I no longer have to be in hiding. I will be training new recruits in Farsi, Chinese, and Sign Language. I was tired of being away from home. Mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and Beth is finishing up college. I missed her whole life. I didn't want to miss her adulthood. She is actually going to be in the CIA too. I guess going to Yale and working for the CIA is in her DNA."

"I'm sorry to hear about Judy. My mom told me, since my dad is taking care of her. How is she?"

"It's a pretty aggresive form. I am on a leave of absence right now so that I can take care of her. Frannie lives in Columbus with Chris and their 3 boys. I didn't want my mom to be alone. So, now you know why I had to leave that morning. Please know that I carried you with me every single day, everywhere I went, too."

Quinn pulls out her picture of Santana, out of her left bra cup. "See, right here, close to me heart."

She could no longer wait. She had been dreaming about this moment for 20 years. Quinn pulls Santana into her and kisses her. Kisses her like she was wanted to for so long. They get lost in the moment. It isn't until she hears someone clearing their throat that she relectantly pulls away from Santana. It was Rachel.

"Finally!"

Santana groans at her best friend. "Really, Rachel?"

"Well, I came to look for you guys because we have been asked my our fellow classmates to sing something. Mr. Schue is rounding everyone up and they will be here soon. I assumed you don't want anyone to know yet so…"

"Ok. Thanks, Rach. Quinn, she is the one who picked me up after you left. Rachel is my best friend. I don't know what I would have done without her."

Quinn smiles at Rachel and pulls her into a hug. "Thanks Rach. You kept your promise. You looked after my girl."

"So, thinks are okay now? I expect to hear answers Miss Fabray."

"Yea, Rach, they are getting to okay, right Q?"

Quinn gave Santana a quick peck on the lips saying, "Yes, they sure are."

At that, the rest of the crew came storming in the choir room. This time it was the rest of them: Sam and Brittany, Artie and Tina, with everyone else. Mr Schue's eyes light up at seeing Santana and Quinn.

"Santana! Quinn! How wonderful to see you two!"

He wraps them both in a hug, then saying, "Ok, kids. What song are we gonna perform?"

After discussion, they decide to sing "Somebody to Love."

It was a rush performing again in front of a crowd. Quinn hadn't sang in front of anyone in a long time, not since she was in Sirens, the female acapella group at Yale. After their performance, Mr. Schue got them all a round of drinks. Soon, everyone was dancing. Quinn took a hold of Santana's hand and danced with her the whole night. When Rachel sang "We've got Tonight" with Puck, Quinn didn't hesitate to dance with Santana.

"Quinn, everyone will know."

"Santana, I want to dance with you to this song and I don't care about the looks and the stares. I only care about being in this moment with you." She kisses San on the cheek before placing her hand behind her neck, pulling Santana in close to her. "Dance with me, San. Just dance with me." Santana complies to her request, resting her hand at the small of Quinn's back. Quinn whispers in her ear, "You know when we were dancing like the at the wedding, I knew that I wanted you. I knew that I had to kiss you. I knew that I wanted to have sex with you, just like I do right now."

"Ugggh, Quinn. You can't say things like that to me. We have so much to talk about."

"I know, babe, and we will talk, I promise. But tonight, I need you tonight. I've missed you so much."

At this, Quinn nibbles her earlobe and proceeds to kiss Santana's neck.

"You know I can't resist you. Let's get out of here."

Santana looks up at Rachel on stage, winking at her, as she takes Quinn's hand and leads her out of the auditorium. She feeling like a giddy schoolgirl, not like the 38 year-old woman she is, Santana runs to her car, opening the door for Quinn. She wasn't anticipating Quinn to go over her console and attack her as soon as she sat down in the front seat. They kiss for what seemed like forever and both women were drowning in memories while making new ones.

"Quinn, I got us our room at Lima Grand Hotel. Let's go."

"How presumptuous of you."

"I like to be prepared. I wanted to believe you would be coming. I wanted to believe that this is where the night would lead."

"Santana, this is all I could have hoped for- being here with you. Let's go. I want to make love to you all night long."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The anticipation was building in Santana's car as they went across town to the Lima Grand Hotel. Quinn could feel her heartbeat accelerating the closer they got to their destination.

"San?"

"Yes, Quinn?"

"We are going to do this, right?"

"Wait, what?"

"It's just that I've been reliving our night together in my mind for the last twenty years. I think you need to pinch me, otherwise I think I'm in a hazy dream."

Santana reaches across the console to Quinn's lap to grab a hold of her hand.

"Quinn, this is happening. I mean, it doesn't have to if you don't want to… but I want it to."

"Oh no, San, I want to. You don't even know how much I want this."

"So, what's wrong then?"

"Nothing?"

"You don't sound sure."

"No, I'm sure, San. 100% sure. I want you so I bad. I need you tonight, right here, " Quinn says, as she shoves Santana's hand under her dress, to feel the wetness pooling in her thong. Santana moans at the touch. With that, Santana steps on the gas, getting to the hotel faster.

At the hotel, after Santana checks them in, she leads them to the elevator. Once inside, Quinn ambushes Santana, assaulting her with a barrage of kisses. The elevator stops on 3 and Quinn smiles.

"You got our room, didn't you?"

"316, just like 20 years ago."

Santana swipes them in the room and Quinn makes quick work of her dress and heels. Soon, she is standing in her black, lacy bra and thong. Santana drinks her in: milky white skin dotted with a few freckles here and there. Quinn has kept herself in good shape, most likely from her CIA training. Santana notices a couple of scars of Quinn's left side. She immediately places her hands there.

"What are these from?" she asks and she splays her fingers around round scars.

"I was shot in Iran, three times about 5 years ago. We got bad intel and were ambushed by the Taliban. It was the first time and only time I had to discharge my gun. I saved my crew. I got a Purple Heart. I am a sharpshooter in the CIA. It's not as bad as it looks. One bullet nicked my kidney so it had to be removed. Good thing I have another one."

Santana knelt down and kissed her gunshot wounds. "I could have lost you forever, Quinn."

"But you didn't. I am right here." With that, Quinn leads Santana up by her chin before passionately kissing her, eliciting a moan.

Quinn, slowly strips Santana for her dress, stopping to kiss her neck, up and down her arms, caressing her breasts through her satin red bra. Once Santana is clad in just her bra and panty, Quinn pushes her unto the king size bed.

"Quinn Fabray, are you trying to top me?"

"I am and I will. You want to know what I have in store for you?"

Santana feels a rush go through her at the sound of Quinn's bedroom voice, an octave lower than her speaking voice.

"I'm going to kiss you until your lips are bruised. I am going to mark your neck so everyone knows you are mine. I am going to lavish your luscious breasts and trail kisses down you taut stomach. I am going to kiss your inner thighs as I settle myself between you legs. I am gonna suck and swirl and taste your essence. I am going thrust so deep and slow with my fingers. I am going to love you like this is the only night we have."

So, with that, Quinn started her plan of action. Santana knew her body was reacting much faster to Quinn. It had been so long since she had sex and now it was happening with the woman of her dreams. She held off as long as she could. However, once she felt Quinn's lips suck her engorged bud and felt her fingers scraping that spot inside of her, she became undone, screaming Quinn's name out in pure pleasure.

In the afterglow of round one (in which Santana came another two times), they sat propped up by pillows, swigging water from the provided hotel bottled water.

"That was… mind-blowing Quinn. You've learned a couple of new tricks."

"Well, I was taught new things. But, trust me, it never felt like that with anyone else. I've never come by pleasuring someone else. And I did, hard."

"You get next round on me, ok?"

"I was counting on it."

Santana (not sure if she wants to know the answer) asks, " So, how many people since me?"

"3 girls and one guy, my fiance."

"You were engaged?"

"8 years ago to a wonderful man named Scott. He loved me so much but I couldn't marry him when I was still so in love with you. I left him at the altar. I am a horrible person."

"Quinn, followed your heart. You cannot be blamed for that."

"I hurt him so much. He is married now, with two kids. He seems really happy and I am happy for him. He did forgive me. He knew about you. I think, once he met his wife, Elise, he understood that kind of love; the love that I still have for you, Santana."

"You still love me, Q?"

"I never stopped, San. I never stopped loving you."

At that, Santana flipped Quinn on her back. She made love to her like the way she had imagined in her mind. Only this time, it wasn't a dream. It was real. Quinn was really there, writing underneath her, arching and moaning at her touch. She also marked her alabaster skin, right at her pulse point, claiming her for all the world to see. Santana knew come morning, they would both be sore, but for the best reasons. Quinn and her, they got tonight. Tomorrow will come soon enough.

In the morning, Santana woke up as the rays of the sun reached her face. At first, she was saddened by the thought of Quinn leaving her alone again. Soon, she heard the melodic voice of Quinn singing in the shower. She didn't leave her. Santana silently hoped she would never leave again. Sure, they had a lot to talk about and a lot to learn about each other. Santana was convinced they could do it. They could finally be together. Twenty years in a long time to wait. Santana flops back onto the bed, listening to Quinn sing:

 _I never meant to be the one to let you down_

 _If anything, I thought I saw myself going first_

 _I didn't know how to stick around_

 _How to see anybody but me be getting hurt_

 _I keep remembering the summer night_

 _And the conversation breaking up the mood_

 _I didn't want to tell you you were right_

 _Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too_

 _Does anybody know_

 _How to hold my heart_

 _How to hold my heart?_

 _'Cause I don't wanna let go_

 _Let go, let go too soon_

 _I want to tell you so_

 _Before the sun goes dark_

 _How to hold my heart_

 _'Cause I don't wanna let go_

 _Let go, let go of you_

Santana wanted to be the one to hold Quinn's heart. She sure as hell knew that Quinn held hers. They had to do things the right way first. Just then, Santana hears her phone going off. It was Rachel's ringtone.

"Good morning, Rachel!"

"It must be a good morning, Santana, for you to answer your phone like that."

"Rach, it's a beautiful morning. You know that Carole King song, "Beautiful?" Santana proceeds to sing the opening lines as Rachel sings along:

 _You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart…_

"That's how I feel this morning- beautiful."

"Well, I was hoping that you two could meet Mercedes and I at the Lima Bean? We want to catch up with Quinn too. You can't keep her all to yourself."

"Ok. Quinn is in the shower. I will ask her as soon as she is done."

"Ask me what, San?"

Quinn appears in front of Santana with a towel wrapped around her body.

"Rachel and Mercedes wanted to meet up at the Lima Bean. They want to catch you before you disappear again. You want to?"

"San, baby, I'm not going anywhere. I promise you. I just need to swing by the house and check on my mom first. 11 o'clock? How does that sound?"

Santana confirms the plans with Rachel and hangs up her phone.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. Was it the singing?"

"It was the best way to wake up. I have always loved your singing voice. What were you singing?"

"Hold My Heart by my favorite artist, Sara Bareilles. It's such a beautiful song about longing for love but at the same time being scared to get it. It's about having hope that someone will love you."

"Well, I love you Quinn. Don't you doubt it."

Quinn kisses Santana firmly on her lips, saying, "Come on, sleepyhead. I have to go to my mom. Her night nurse left at 8:00 am. I don't like leaving my mom alone for too long."

Within 30 minutes, they are at the front door of the Fabray residence. It is a familiar place to Santana since she would pick up Quinn for school. Quinn unlocks the front door, immediately calling out:

"Mom?"

"In here, Lucy."

Quinn goes to the kitchen and sees Judy sitting with Maribel Lopez.

"Mami?"

"Santana? Ay Dios Mio, Quinn! You look wonderful. Just as beautiful as I remembered," Maribel exclaims, getting off her stool to greet Quinn with a hug.

"Mami, why are you here?"

"Santanita, I visit Judy twice a week for tea. It's hard for her to get out now a days and I like to keep her in the Lima gossip loop. Isn't that right, Judy?"

Santana turns to face Judy. She is struck by how frail she looks. Chemo always takes a toll but to see Judy Fabray look to weak brings tears to Santana's eyes. She goes to her, wrapping her in a hug, as she lets a few tears fall.

"How are you, Mrs. Fabray?"

"Santana, dear, I think it's time you call me Judy. I haven't been 'Mrs. Fabray' in a very long time. I'm doing okay. Your father is taking good care of me. Your mother's social visits brighten my spirits. I always look forward to her coming over. Tell me how was the reunion?"

"Mom!"

"What, honey? It's a simple question, Lucy."

Santana answers instead, "It was lovely, Judy, Even better than I could have imagined."

At that, Judy winks at the girls and Maribel knowingly nods. They let the elephant in the room stay silent.

"Are you okay with Santana and I meeting Rachel and Mercedes for coffee, Mom? I don't want to impose of Mrs. Lopez."

"Quinn, now it's time for you to call me Maribel and it is no imposition. I didn't even get to the juicy part yet. You girls go and catch up with your friends. I'll stay here until you get back."

"Thanks, Maribel. Mom, just text me if you need anything. I was going to make chicken soup for dinner tonight. Is that okay?"

"No need to, sweetie. Maribel brought over her lemon chicken soup that I love. You and Santana should go to Breadsticks tonight for dinner. I'll be fine, Quinnie, I promise. I know that you worry but I'll be okay. I'll text you if anything comes up."

Judy open her arms to her daughter and Quinn comes into them. She whispers in her ear, "My sweet girl, you look so very happy." Quinn answers her back, " I am, mom. I am finally happy." Then, Judy chuckles, glancing at her daughter's neck. "Lucy, you might want to put concealer or a scarf around your neck if you don't want your friends to know." Quinn blushes immediately, covering up her hickey with her hand. Santana just laughs until Maribel says, "Ay, Santana. You better use some cover-up too." At that, all four women laugh. Apparently, the elephant in the room was out.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Rachel and Mercedes were sitting at Lima Coffee Bean waiting for their friends.

"I wonder where Quinn was been these last twenty years, Rach. I mean she just vanished."

"Yeah, Mercedes. I think it has something to do with her degree. She graduated with a Bachelors in Global Affairs and Middle Eastern Studies. Santana is convinced she went to graduate school at Yale too."

"No drama degree then. Santana took it pretty hard- Quinn leaving, huh?"

Rachel knew it wasn't her place to say anything about Santana and Quinn. She figured they would tell Mercedes when they were ready. She was the only one who knew about them and she was going to keep it that way. It was their news to tell, not hers.

"I think Santana and I both did. I have missed her so much."

"Me too, Rachel. I've missed Quinn too."

In the car, in the parking lot of the Lima Bean, Quinn turns to Santana.

"Obviously, Rachel knows about us. Does Mercedes?"

"No, only Rachel."

"Well, do you want to tell Mercedes? What is there to say?"

"I think that we don't know what we are. It is a conversation for tonight, over dinner? But, yeah, let's let Mercedes know," Santana says.

Santana leans over the console and kisses Quinn. "You know that you are gonna get grilled. They know all about me and my life."

"I'm ready. Let's go."

The bell rings as Quinn opens the door, holding hands with Santana, leading her to Rachel and Mercedes. That small gesture of intimacy catches Rachel's eye and she beams at Santana. Mercedes wonders what that is about. Hugs are exchanged between the friends.

"Your usual, Quinn? I'll go get our drinks."

"Yeah, that would be great, San. Thanks."

When Santana is out of earshot, Mercedes launches her interrogation.

"San, huh? What's with the hand holding, Quinn?"

"Wow, you cut right to the chase, Cedes. Santana and I…well…it's complicated."

"But, you guys are together?"

"I don't know about that, Mercedes. But we were last night," Quinn admits, blushing.

At hearing that, Mercedes is speechless, which is a rare occurrence.

Rachel jumps in. "I'm so happy for you, Quinn. Santana must be over the moon. Twenty years is a long time."

"Wait, what? Twenty years? What am I missing here?"

Santana comes back with their drinks and takes a seat next to Quinn.

"Yes, Mercedes. Quinn and I were first together the night of Mr. Schue's wedding."

"I had no idea. I did wonder were you two disappeared to. And you knew about this, Rachel?"

"I found out later. I was busy with Finn myself."

They all got quiet for a moment, remembering their lost friend.

"Quinn texted me the morning after, asking me to take care of Santana for her. And I did, Quinn. I took care of Santana, my best friend. Gosh, my high school self wouldn't believe that I could be best friends with Santana Lopez."

"You have been so good to me, Rach. I don't know if I could have made though Quinn leaving without you."

Quinn noticed how much more open Santana was in expressing her feelings. She had changed a lot. The old Santana would never say something like that, to Rachel no less. It made Quinn want to learn more about this Santana.

"Speaking of which, where have you been Quinn?"

"I work for the CIA, Rachel. I had to disappear because I was in the Clandestine Service. I am a Senior Directorate of Operations Language Officer. I am fluent in Farsi, Chinese, Latin, Spanish, French, and American Sign Language. I was stationed overseas, mainly in Iran. Only my mom, Frannie, and Shelby knew where I was. I didn't want to risk any more people knowing because I was dealing with very dangerous people. It was why I had to leave the way I did. I am so sorry, Santana, for leaving you like that. I can talk about my job now because I was promoted to faculty at the CIA Academy. I will no longer be in the field. I will teach new recruits, since I recently completed my Ph.D in Education. I can still be called upon when my expertise is needed. I miss home too much and was tired of traveling. When mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I knew that I wanted to be closer to her. DC is only a couple of hours away from Lima, as compared to Tehran."

Santana just nodded as she listened to Quinn. There were so many questions she had for her. For now, she would let Mercedes and Rachel ask their questions. They had dinner tonight.

"Wow, Quinn. It sounds very exciting. It also sounds very lonely."

"It was, at times. I had my best friend, Bene, who was my roommate my first summer at the CIA. We were always stationed together. I had a couple of relationships, with women and men. The only serious one was with Scott. We were engaged but we didn't marry. I left him at the altar. I couldn't go through with it when I was in love with someone else."

"You love Santana?" Mercedes asked.

"I do love her, Mercedes. Enough about me, tell me about you and Matt Rutherford. And Rachel, I want to hear about you, Jessie, and your kids."

Quinn was ready to have the spotlight off of her and genuinely wanted to hear all about Mercedes' and Rachel's lives.

"Well, Quinn, obviously you know Jesse. We reconnected after we played love interests in Spring Awakening. He was so romantic when he proposed. It was our last show and at curtain call, he asked me to marry him. We have been married for 15 years. Our oldest, Idina Barbra, is 10 and Michael Finn is 8. Actually, I am 3 months pregnant with twin boys. They will be named Jesse Hiram and Christopher LeRoy, after Jesse, my dad's and father-in-law. Jesse and the kids are at my dads' house. Maybe you can swing by later to meet them, Quinn?"

"Sure, Rach. I'd love to meet your children," Quinn answers.

"Matt and I reconnected at UCLA. He was in my Music Theory class during my sophomore year. At first, we were just friends. He asked me to out when we were Seniors and we have been together ever since. We have a daughter, Malia. She is 6. Matt couldn't come out for the reunion because of our's daughter's soccer game. He is the coach of her team. We are very happy living in Los Angeles."

Rachel then asks Santana, "Have you told Quinn about your life? Or were you too busy having sex?"

Quinn, again blushes, while Santana waves her off. "I'll have plenty of time for that. Quinn, why don't we get going. I want to spend some time with my mom. I don't see her often enough.

With that, the old friends hug and say their good-byes. Quinn makes plans to meet at Rachel's for breakfast in the morning.

In the car, Santana lets out a big sigh of relief, as she starts her car.

"What's that for? You weren't actually worried about Mercedes, were you?"

"Just a little. I wonder how the rest of our friends will react. Well, we have that farewell dinner at Mr. Schue's tomorrow, so we will find out then, I guess."

"San, they won't care. I promise you. They will just see how happy we are and that will make them all happy too."

"I know you are right, Q. Let's get you home."

Santana drops Quinn off and picks up her mom. She will be there at 7:00pm for their real, first date. They did things so backwards.

Once inside, she knew that her mom would be buzzing with excitement.

"Lucy, tell me. How was it last night? Spare me the sexy details, obviously."

Quinn rolled her eyes at her mother. As if she would tell her about her night together with Santana.

"Well, I found Santana at the bar. When she first saw me, she slapped me. Immediately after, she hugged me so tight, like she was afraid if she let go, I would disappear again. Mom, she took my breath away. We didn't get a chance to really catch up yet, since we were at the reunion. I will do that tonight, on our first, legitimate date. Oh god, Mom! What am I going to wear?"

Judy chuckled at her daughter. "Lucy, there is plenty of time to figure that out. Seeing the two of you together, earlier, made my heart so happy. Maribel has kept me up-to-date on Santana and she was turned into a fine woman. She is all I could ever hope for you."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Mom. First date's first. Let's keep it at that."

Quinn prepared lunch for them. Her mom's appetite had lessened since she started chemo. She only really enjoyed soup. Maribel's was a favorite of Judy's. She always ate a bit more, which Quinn was grateful for. After making sure her mother was in bed for her afternoon nap, Quinn decided to go her room to lie down too. She didn't get a lot of sleep last night for a very good reason. As she lay there, waiting for sleep to overtake her, she thought of the last 24 hours and how dramatically her life had changed. She was actually nervous for her date with Santana. It was a good nervous. She was excited to learn all about Santana and everything she had missed. A lot can happen in someone's life in twenty years. Quinn closed her eyes and thoughts of Santana were on her mind and in her heart.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Quinn looked at herself once more in the mirror. Judy came up from behind her and smiled at her daughter's reflection.

"Darling, you look beautiful."

"You sure this top isn't too much? Maybe I should wear a dress?"

"You always wear dresses. This is a nice change. You look great, Lucy, really."

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Coming!" Judy yelled as she carefully walked toward the door. The cancer had made her body so weak. Quinn finally convinced her to use a walker. She hated feeling like an invalid in her own home. She yanked open the door to find a nervous, fidgeting, Santana. Judy smiled brightly at the woman who she secretly hoped would one day be her daughter-in-law.

"These are for you, Judy," Santana says, handing over one of the bouquets of flowers.

"Why, thank you, Santana. What a lovely gesture. You know, first impressions are important," Judy saying, winking at her.

"Come inside. Quinn should only be another moment."

Santana sits in the sitting room, a ball of nerves. After placing the flowers in water, Judy sits down next to Santana, placing her hand on top of hers.

"Don't be nervous. It's just Quinn. You've already done all the hard stuff. This "date" should be a piece of cake."

"I know you are right, Judy. Gosh, we sure are doing things so backwards."

At that, Quinn descends the stairs, taking the sight of her mother and Santana. It makes her smile to see Santana so comfortable with her.

"Sorry I took so long, San."

"No worries, Quinn. These are for you," Santana hands her the bouquet and places a kiss on her cheek.

"They are beautiful, Santana. You remembered my favorite flower, peonies," Quinn says, handing off the flowers to Judy.

"Quinn, I remember everything about you."

That statement makes Quinn blush.

"We better get going, I made 7:30 pm reservations."

"At Breadsticks?"

"I guess it got upscale since the last time we've dined there."

Quinn gives her mother a hug, as does Santana.

"Don't wait up, mom. Call me if you need anything. Doris should be here soon."

"Stop worrying. Lucy. You kids have a wonderful time," Judy says walking her to them to the door.

Quinn gives her mother a kiss on the cheek. "Bye, mom."

Santana opened the car door for Quinn and she chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"I guess I'm not used to being treated with chivalry."

"Well, you better start getting used to it, Miss Quinn Fabray."

The car ride over was in relative silence, except for the "oldies" radio station playing songs from their high school days. Quinn reached over the console to interlace her fingers with Santana's hand. "I could get used to this, " Quinn thought to herself as her mind was consumed by thoughts of the woman to her left. After Santana parked the car, she went over to Quinn's side of the car to open her door. This time, Quinn gave her a quick peck on the lips. Santana was being so sweet. She also opened the door to Breadsticks for her. Once they were settled at their table, drinks ordered, silence again settled between them. Quinn had so many questions to ask. She explained a lot of herself and her disappearance over the past couple of days. Santana was still a mystery to her. Quinn decided on asking about her job first, figuring that would naturally lead to more of Santana's past.

As if reading her mind, Santana tells Quinn, "Ask me anything."

"Ok. I want to hear all about your job and your life in NYC."

"Well, I live in Greenwich Village and I have my own practice, mostly LGTBQ clients. I share the practice with Elliot, my colleague and friend since we went to grad school together. I volunteer at NYU's Counseling Center. They helped me a lot when I was dealing with you leaving and transitioning to living as an out lesbian in New York City. It was my experiences with them that led me to my career. So, you see, you were instrumental in me finding my calling. I wish it wasn't because you left me but, in seeking the help I needed, it helped get to where I am now. Obviously, I have gotten closer to Rachel. We see each other when our schedules allow it. She has come to mean so much to me, helping me through many dark times," Santana says, as Quinn seeks out her hand to hold.

"I'm in a good place, Quinn. I have a profession I love. I own my practice. I have a great condo close to Washington Square Park. I know that I am doing really important work. The only thing missing is someone to share my life with."

Quinn gulped as she asked, "So, any serious relationships?"

"Well, after my college years of hoaring in up," Santana says with a laugh, "I settled down in a serious relationship. Her name was Dani. We lived together and everything. I broke up with her because I knew I was still hanging onto you. She couldn't compete with the ghost of you. I wasn't being fair to either of us. Since then, I've had a couple of girlfriends but Dani was the most serious."

"Am I really that memorable? One roll in the hay?"

"Well, correct me if I am wrong but it was a two-time roll in the hay."

Quinn blushed at Santana's statement. It was a fact.

"If you count last night, then it was a five-time roll in the hay," Quinn admits. "I hope there is more to come."

Dinner conversation flowed freely after Santana's update. The big things were out of the way: job, past relationships, family. Santana was curious about Beth, so she decided to ask.

"How is Beth?"

Quinn reaches into her purse for her wallet, to show Santana her daughter's picture. She hands over her graduation picture with pride. Santana smiles at the resemblance between mother and daughter.

"She will be 22 in May. Beth will graduating from Yale with a BA in Theater Studies. She will be going for her MFA in Acting at Yale School of Drama. Obviously, Shelby and Rachel were big inspirations for her. I know that Rachel is a very important person in my daughter's life. She loves her big sister. She also loves you. I didn't expect you be in her life and it was a welcome surprise."

"Me being in Beth's life was through Rachel. She reached out to Shelby when she first got to New York. By then, Beth was 2 and she was so inquisitive. Since I was living with Rachel, I got to see Beth a lot. Every time I saw her, I saw you. It made me feel close to you and loving Beth was easy. She really does have the best qualities of you and Puck. So, I made it a point to be there for her when I could because I know you couldn't be. She has grown-up into a remarkable woman."

"Thanks to Shelby, she has. Giving Beth up was the most difficult and best decision I ever made."

"Quinn, you do know that Beth understands, right? She doesn't hate you for giving her up. I think Rachel helped her to understand that part of it."

Tears fall from Quinn's eyes as she nods to Santana. "I guess it's just a mother's guilt."

"Listen, I didn't mean to make you cry. I just wanted to know if you have seen Beth since you are back now."

"Yes, I have. She was the first person who greeted me when I landed home here in Lima. God, Santana. All the pictures, videos, and FaceTime calls couldn't capture what I saw and felt that day. My daughter is a grown woman. I feel like I missed so much of her life. Of your life."

"You are here now, Quinn. That is what matters most. And, I'm not letting you out of my sight!"

The rest of dinner was blissfully boring in a wonderful way. Santana couldn't believe that sitting across from her was Lucy Quinn Fabray, in the flesh. Quinn Fabray, who was playing footsie under the table with her. Could they really do this? Be like this, after all this time? Isn't this what Santana was dreaming about, these past twenty years? Could it be this simple?

"Santana… a penny for your thoughts?"

"It's just that I have been dreaming for a night like this one for twenty years. I cannot believe you are here with me."

"I've had the same dream, San. Since that night I kept on dreaming about you, dreaming about us. Pinch me, Santana. I need to know this is real."

Instead of pinching her, Santana got up in the middle of dinner and pulled Quinn to the middle of the dance floor. Yes, Breadsticks had definitely gotten and upscale makeover, with a band in the corner.

"Dancing is kind of our thing, isn't it Quinn?" Santana asks as she pulls her in by her waist. Automatically, Quinn wraps her arms around her neck, swaying to the music.

"It sure is, San. It sure is."

The surreal night goes by too fast. Quinn and Santana close down the restuarant. There was so much for them to learn about each other. Twenty years is a long time. At Quinn's front door, they could feel anticipation building.

"Thank you, Santana, for a wonderful first date."

Quinn leans in and captures Santana's lips in a spellbinding kiss. A kiss that leaves both of them breathless.

"Well, aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Santana, I'm not that kind of girl and this is my mother's home!"

"I know. You can't blame a girl for trying."

"Tomorrow night, after the dinner at Mr. Schue's. Book our room at the hotel, ok? Can you wait until then?"

"Yes, Quinn. I can keep it in my pants until then. I can't promise we will stay for the whole dinner, however."

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be able to think of much else."

They kiss one more time and Santana begins to walk to her car.

"Good night, Miss Quinn Fabray. Sweet dreams."

"Of you," Quinn responds. "I'll be having sweet dreams of you."

She blows Santana a kiss, then unlocks her door and enters inside. Santana just stares at the door, still in awe of the magical night they just had. There were still many questions Santana had for Quinn, but those would be answered later. For now, Santana was content, knowing that Quinn wasn't going to leave her again.

Doris, her mother's night nurse, greets Quinn in the sitting room.

"Have a good date, Quinn? Judy told me all about it."

"Of course she did. Yes, I did. How has she been?"

"She fell asleep about 2 hours ago. I have to leave earlier in the morning tomorrow, if that is ok with you?"

"No worries, Doris. Everything ok?"

"Oh yes, Miss Quinn. My daughter has a early morning cheer practice with Sue. You remember how she is."

Quinn smiled fondly at Doris' words.

"She still has the Cheerios doing two-a-days?"

"Well, she can't have them slacking. They are the 10-time National champions for a reason."

"Very true, Doris. Good night! Just wake me before you go."

"Ok, Miss Quinn. I will have all of her medications out before I leave."

"Sounds good! Good night, Doris"

Quinn retires to her room, washing her face and brushing her teeth. Snuggled in her sheets, she reaches for her iPhone. Waiting there is a message.

 _Santana: Good night, Quinn. I'll be dreaming of you tonight…and that perfect butt of yours._

Quinn chuckled heartily.

 _Quinn: Good night, Santana. I'll be dreaming about your rambuncous twins. Sleep tight, San. Xx_

Both ladies had the best sleep they've had in a very long time.

The next night, the wine is flowing freely and the laughter is loud around the Schuester dinner table. Everyone is there: Rachel, Jesse, Mercedes, Sam, Brittany, Artie, Tina, Mike, Kurt, Blaine, and Puck. They knew going in that they, Quinn and Santana would be the topic of conversation.

Emma says, "So, let me get this straight. You two hooked up the night of my non-wedding?"

"In our defense, we weren't the only ones hooking up!" Santana says, looking at all the guilty parties.

"Yeah, Santana, but all of us were an understood pairing. Rachel and Finn. Blaine and I. You and Quinn? I never saw that one coming."

"I get it. San and Q make much more sense than San and I. Think about it. They are two ends of the same spectrum. They argue and push each other. They say things no one else would dare to about each other to their face. They don't back down. They always had this competition between them. I knew there was something always there, even if they didn't see it until that night," Brittany, ever the unicorn, explains.

"Emma, the open bar also helped the situation, really," Quinn responds.

"So now what, guys? What happens next? Tina asks.

"That, we don't know. We need to talk about that. All I know is that I cannot and I will not let her out of my sight ever again, Santana answers, kissing Quinn on the lips, to the roar of the table.

Thankfully, Quinn and Santana don't have to make an obvious early exit from dinner. Rachel had to go home early to her dads because she was exhausted. It was a wonderful weekend catching up with all their friends but they had more private plans involving Room #316 at the Lima Grand Hotel. Quinn made sure to hang the "Do not disturb" sign on the door knob.


End file.
